Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Trusting Myself

I am continuing to read Intuitive Eating.  I wish I could report that I had finished the book, but the truth is that I am only at the halfway point.  I feel like I am learning a lot and that I am in phase two described in the book.

In a nutshell I am learning how to eat.  It is kind of cool to feel like I am developing a healthy relationship with food.  I find myself eating a lot slower and really enjoying it.  Even if I am eating at my desk in the office, I take a short break.  I close my door and I enjoy what I am eating.  It is no longer mindless and it is no longer eating because it is time.  I am eating because I am hungry.

It is liberating and at the same time petrifying!  I have spent the majority of my life counting things, calories, fat grams, fiber, carbs; it is weird not to count anymore.  I took the food scale off my counter and put it in the cabinet.  I have disowned my bathroom scale.  It feels so free to not get on the scale every week, but at the same time I am scared to death!  I wonder if I will achieve a healthy weight by just trusting myself.  I can tell you that I set myself free of dieting (it was fairly exciting to delete my Weight Watchers online account) about a month ago.  My clothes have not gotten any tighter (I was very afraid they might); in fact in this month I have put on a pair of pants that I had been avoiding in my closet because I was sure they didn't/wouldn't fit.  Guess what?  They do.  I have gotten several compliments that I looked good; and questions if I had lost weight.  I have no idea.  I hope so.  Crazy, right?

I can tell you that I still cook the same kind of food I did before.  Delicious healthy balanced food.  I am no longer afraid to go out to dinner, to a happy hour, or have lunch with friends.  Just last weekend I was at a Labor Day pool party.  There was food everywhere.  Do you know what?  Without even thinking about it I made a plate when I was hungry, I ate it and when I finished I was done.  I was in the pool that afternoon and it hit me.  I was in the pool!  I was not grazing, I was not feeling tempted by the food, I was not obsessed thinking about the food.  I was free.  I was not thinking about trying the cookies or having another serving of queso.  You know why?  When I made my plate I had a small serving of queso on some chips on the side of my plate.  When I was finished with lunch I had one small peanut butter cookie.  It was all delicious and I was satisfied.  I didn't tell myself I couldn't have those things and I had to have x, y, or z instead.  And because of that I wasn't grazing, I wasn't obsessed with what I had forbidden myself.  I was just satisfied.  Later that day, you know what I had when I was hungry again?  A big salad.  That's what I wanted.

The next stage is Crystallization.  I might be getting there.  I do recommend this book.  I won't say that I am discounting other ideas I have learned about whole grains (like brown rice being better for me than white); it is nice to incorporate those kinds of ideas into my free choices.  In this midst of all this freedom I have also chosen to cut sodas out of my diet.  I drink them VERY rarely now.  I had one last week and I didn't finish it.  I am re-learning what tastes good to me.  Apparently soda is not one of those things.  Good for me.

I am spending time appreciating myself and my body for what it is right now.  I have been treating myself to a few new things like clothes and makeup.  I discovered a clothing company called Soft Surroundings.  I love the new tops I ordered from them.

And I am loving the Essie nail polish collection I am creating.  Who knew I really did like color on my finger nails.  Usually I go color only on my toe nails.

Good bye boundaries!  LOL.

I hope you have a happy healthy day!

1 comment:

  1. Good for you. It's all about balance, and making a change like this takes time. They say when you make it too quick it doesn't last, but if you take your time, it will become a lifestyle change. I have recently had to revamp my diet due to digestive issues and let me tell you it has been harder than I thought it would be. I know certain foods are bad for me and going to make me sick, but it is so hard to give them up. Good luck on your journey and can't wait to hear more on your progress :)